


Hank Anderson: Officer, Dad, Millennial

by JotunTears



Category: Detroit: Become Human
Genre: Carl Manfred - Freeform, DBH, Memes, Other, Vines, shitpost
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-06 15:14:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15197510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JotunTears/pseuds/JotunTears
Summary: Hank Anderson was born September 6, 1985. He grew up in the golden age of memes, and you can’t tell me we, as a fandom, shouldn’t acknowledge that.(Also contains shitposts for other characters because we just can’t not do that, can we)





	1. Gavin Reed more like Gavin Weed hah

The first time Connor had experience with a meme was not long after he had saved his partner, Hank, from falling off the side of a rooftop.

“This old fuckin’ thing,” Hank muttered under his breath, taking a sip of his coffee. His last computer, which he’d taken for granted, had “accidentally” been drenched in coffee by Gavin Reed. What he was left with was an old HP computer from his late 20’s. One that worked like shit in 2038. He leaned back in his chair, a scowl painted on his face as he waited for the computer to start up the deviant database files. 

Connor watched as Hank started to seem more and more annoyed with the thing, bouncing his leg and drinking from his mug. Hank let out a loud sigh before slamming the empty coffee cup on the table, “Can’t I get something better than this fuckin’ piece of shit?!” He exlaimed, throwing his hands up in the air and standing up from his chair. Connor tilted his head in silence, the LED on his temple turning yellow as he noted how easily his partner got annoyed.

Gavin released a shit-eating grin as he stalked over to Hank’s desk, a coffee cup in hand. “What an aesthetic you are, Hank,” he said, leaning against Connor’s desk, not caring about it’s personal space. “What the fuck do you mean by that?” The older man asked, sighing through his nose and plopping back down in his chair, arms crossed. His eyebrows were furrowed in annoyance and confusion. Gavin rolled his eyes. “You know. An aesthetic. You’re an aesthetic, Hank.” 

“Now, if I know Gavin Reed, he ain’t one to call me pretty.” Hank said, confusion almost completely overtaking his previous anger. “I think you might misunderstand the meaning of the word,” Connor chipped in, leaning forward in his chair, “what is it, may I ask, that you believe it means?” He asked, tilting his head. 

“I thought androids were supposed to be smart,” Gavin sneered, “What, your brain’s not connected to the internet? Can’t Google it? It’s slang, you piece of plastic. It means mood, it means it’s relatable.” He rolled his eyes, not sure if he was happy that he knew something the android didn’t, or annoyed that Connor didn’t already know what it meant.

Connor’s eyebrows furrowed, his LED flashing yellow for a few seconds before once again settling on blue. “That is not correct.” He stated, and Hank leaned forward in his seat, hoping he knew where this was going. “Yeah right.” Gavin snorted, rolling his eyes. “According to the encyclopaedia-“ Connor was cut off before he could continue, Hank’s laughter filling the entire department. 

“Lieutenant?” The android asked, confused, leaning towards Hank in his chair. “I’m usually quite well equipped to determine what triggers reactions in humans, but I’m having trouble. Would you mind telling me what has you amused?” Instead of the usual flash of yellow, his LED paused on it, having trouble discerning the source of Hank’s laughter.

”Seriously, Anderson? I was like, fucking twelve when that meme died.” Gavin said, annoyed that Hank could still find the Vine funny after so long. When Hanks laughter died off, he just chuckled out a “fuck you” and sent the detective on his merry way, reminding the man to Google what “aesthetic” meant later. 

“A ‘meme’...?” Connor asked Hank, his eyebrows furrowed. Hank shook his head with a smile, pleased to see that the database had loaded a few seconds after the entire event. “Your parents will tell you when you’re older.” He dismissed, eyes locked onto the screen as he scrolled through the files, mood drastically lightened. His comment, however, left Connor with more questions than answers.


	2. Never cried so hard in my life

Carl and Markus had just come back from what must've been the most boring party of the 21st century. Frankly, Carl was surprised he didn't start falling asleep in the middle of it. Currently, he was about to get his drink on when he noticed something amiss. "Markus, did you leave the lights on in the studio?" Markus looked up from the drink he was concocting. "No, I'm sure I didn't."

After calling the cops, Markus began walking over by himself. "Markus, no, I'm coming with you!" Carl said, trying to get Markus to bring him. When Markus didn't comply, Carl decided to wheel himself in because just like he can choose his own damn medicine, he can wheel in his fucking self.

Inside the studio, just who does he see that decided to grace them with their presence? Why, his drug addict son Leo! What a surprise! He didn't recall asking ANYONE to walk into his house, and if he did, he wouldn't have asked this fucking prick. "Leo, what are you doing?" He said in annoyance. This little bitch.

Leo turned around. "Just picking up some things. You know, it's crazy what people will pay for this stuff." He says, waving a rolled up paper. "Put that down! Markus, get him out of here!" Carl had had enough of this bullshit. He's just trying to drink until he passes out, not deal with his stupid offspring.

"Be reasonable about this. The police are already on their way, it's best to just give up now." Markus walked to the space in front of Leo. Leo moved away from him, "You always tell me to go away! You never loved me. You only love this piece of shit robot!"

Carl rolled his eyes. "Oh wow, that's so sad. Markus, play Despacito." Markus slowly opened his mouth, and out from it poured the tune of Despacito. As music from his unmoving jaw filled the air, Leo became frozen with anger. But alas, before he could act on his violent desires, the police showed up and acted on theirs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment if you have any meme requests, and also thanks in advance for any comments at all like seriously.


	3. 9 1 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only do drugs if they are prescribed by ur doctor thanks.

It's been a long, hard day and Todd was relaxing on his shitty ass couch. Keep in mind that its not the couchs fault it's shitty, it's Todds fault. Blame Todd. Anyway, he decided to partake in his favorite pass time. Smoking that good shit. (PSA- don't do drugs kids)

He dug in the couch cushions to search for some of his stash. But there wasn't anything there. He guesses he smoked it all, he's gonna have to make more soon. He then went and got some from his stash in the laundry room, which was running thin as well. Damn. What a shame. 

While Todd was in intense deliberation on whether he should just cook up some drugs now, Alice was upstairs in her room. She does not partake in Todd's favorite pass time. She hates it actually. Kara was cleaning the bathroom because Todd can't do anything for himself except slowly kill his insides. Also, that's what she was made for. But don't misunderstand, she's a free android who don't need no owner. If you played the game though, you'd know that.

Alice decided to go downstairs and make her way to the backyard. However, when she looked in the living room she gasped. Kara came down the stairs just in time to witness the current happenings. Todd was about to smoke that premium red. The good shit. 

"TODD," Alice yelled, "IS THAT A WEED?!"  
"No, it's red ice--"  
"I'M CALLING THE POLICE!" Alice then punched Kara in the stomach. Kara's jaw unhinged as her mouth opened. "911, what's your emergency?"


	4. Big Gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is actually about real people so like yeah. This is just an extra until we get out some Premium Meme Content.

Tobias was sitting on his ugly couch watching youtube when he heard a crash come from the kitchen. Warily, he unplugged his iPad and turned on the flashlight to see in the dark house at night. With a gasp, he jumped to his feet and yeeted out the door. He saw his boyfriend, Park, standing on one of the chairs, balancing like a fucking ballerina. It wasn’t that he was upset that he’d come, he was just extremely confused, as Park had been in a completely different time zones seconds earlier. “Park,” he asked hesitantly, “what the fuck are you doing in Utah… in my kitchen?”

"Oh nothin'," he said as he drank the chocolate milk specifically reserved for Fun Times With Tobi, "Just chillin'." Tobi wanted to yell and scream at him for drinking his precious milk, but alas. Park was too pretty. At this point, Tobi felt his overwhelming gay rise to the surface. He tried to hold it back but the gay was just too powerful. Suddenly, just before it burst out of his body in a violent wave, it vanished. Just like the avatar. He was shocked, but no matter. He had to make a chicken for Fun Times With Tobi. It was time to show him how a REAL GAY cooks a chicken.

First, the true homosexual will very finely flavor the chicken, then cook it for exactly 6 hours. This is how the REAL gays do it. The people love gays for their proficient chicken cooking skills, and he would have never known this if it wasn't for the power of the big gay. The man pulled the chicken out of the oven and served it to HOLDIN DICK.

**Author's Note:**

> there are two authors on this account so there are two different writing styles here, deal with it knave


End file.
